Passed on

January 19, 2010 at 5:27 pm (Uncategorized)

Being diabetic, I have been through much pain; insulin shots four times a day, finger pokes six times a day, a catheter if you will every three days and the knowledge that my body is deteriorating on the inside faster and sooner than should be for a normal 21 year old. Although the aforementioned pains are great, none of them compare to the pain of losing a loved one.

The loss of Nathan’s (my husband) grandpa was made known to us this morning, and as I realized what was happening, everything changed; my day’s priorities, emotions within and my outlook on one’s time spent on earth. A rock was sitting on my chest, making it painful to breathe, suffocating from the pain of the world losing such a wonderful man.

With wonderful individuals come wonderful events, emotions and memories; all of which should be reminisced upon the loss of that individual. However, the truth is, with wonderful individuals, comes a greater pain when that individual passes on.

You try to take comfort in knowing you have family and friends who care for you and are there for you in your tough time. You try to take comfort in knowing that your loved one is no longer suffering, hurting and anticipating when it will end. You try to take comfort in knowing that your loved one is in a better place. You try, but the pain in knowing that you will never get to say I love you to them, get to see them smile or get to say how much they meant to you stands as a roadblock. You try, but due to the pain fail.

It’s hard losing someone close and from that, seeing those you love most hurt. But you must remember that with time, the severity of the pain will lessen, it will never completely disappear, but with the shoulders of friends and family to lean on and yes, cry on, you can eventually begin to forget the pain and try. Try to remember the moments when your loved one cared for you. Try to remember the characteristics of your loved one, those that they are not only remembered for, but that you strive to promote. Try to remember the love and joy in their life rather than the sorrow and pain they felt.

May you rest in peace Grandpa Guillaume, Grandpa Miska, and Grandma and Grandpa Benesh, knowing you will always be remembered and cherished, and will live on through the hearts of those who loved you.


Permalink 1 Comment

Lessons in Life

January 12, 2010 at 4:10 pm (Uncategorized)

From the time I was diagnosed with diabetes, I have always known that life is not something that can be continuously planned out and predetermined, as much as I tried for it to be. My being diagnosed was almost nine years ago, and in that time, I seem to have forgotten the possibility of unexpected things occurring, even after Dave Ramsey taught us to “expect the unexpected.”

No I am not pregnant, although if I were, our children would have some pretty sweet names (Leola Ottilie, Aloysius Jarbo, etc), but rather our house’s foundation seems to be shifting. A little over two years ago my husband bought this house so he could begin working in Cedar Rapids, and not have to drive from his parent’s house in Mount Vernon everyday. It is a small house one bedroom house, but not small enough to be able to cook breakfast in bed from the bed.

Six months ago, upon Nathan, my husband, and I getting married I moved in. When Nathan bought the house it was recently remodeled, which was nice to not have to fix a house up right away. Although it was remodeled, the color palette didn’t seem to fit our style, as it was gold, burnt orange, yellow, brown and peach. As this month has been my free month, meaning only one class as opposed to six, I have begun to repaint the house; it started with the bathroom a few months ago, which led to the porch, which recently led to the living room and kitchen.

As I began to repaint the living room and kitchen something came over me and I became the female version of Tim Allen, or Tim the Tool-man Taylor. I began to notice little things that needed fixing, tightening of a bolt or screw here or there and different ways of organizing and opening space, such as hanging shelves along the walls of our kitchen.

My ‘fix-it’ high soon came to an end when my husband attempted to open our back door to let our two dogs outside one night. The handle on the door had somehow loosened, so I, being Super Tool-woman, decided it couldn’t be that hard to fix. I got one of our Phillips head screwdrivers out and began to tighten it; unfortunately, I had tightened it too much, somehow making it incredibly difficult to open the door. With the concern of my husband, who is 6’4” and roughly 250 pounds, needing to put his entire body weight into opening and closing that door, he began to question if it was merely the handle that I had “fixed” or if there was indeed something greater that was causing the problem.

Well I lucked out in some sense; it wasn’t my fault that we could no longer open the door with ease, meaning I could still be Super Tool-woman; however we weren’t so lucky when finding out that we had several cracks in the wall leading down to our basement stemming from a shift in our framework and foundation.

With being newly weds, especially with me still being a full-time student, our money, or Nathan’s salary, pays the bills. We had planned on building a few extra rooms on our house this summer, once I landed a job and the weather had become nicer. Unfortunately, we forgot the advice of Mr. Ramsey and didn’t expect the unexpected, we were trying to plan out the future of our house and when we would be able to re-sell it.

It looks like that even though our money is tight, we will have to take out some sort of home-equity loan, and begin to fix the framework and add the rooms to our house sooner rather than later.

Life is a rollercoaster with many ups and downs along with the unexpected turn every now and then. As an uptight and worrisome person, being married has taught me that this only creates problems, and doesn’t fix it. You, or I, need to relax. I can’t plan out the perfect life and control every aspect, one because that is not possible, and two, it’s not as much fun. Sure having our house shift with perhaps the worst timing possible is not by any means good, but in a twisted way, it’s kind of fun to face the problem with my husband and find a solution together, rather than me getting frustrated and worried about it.

The life lesson reinforced here is that you have to roll with the punches. Things are not always going to go swimmingly, that’s why life is a journey, an adventure if you will. With working at Cedar Memorial Funeral Home, I have learned that the adventure of life is a short one, and you shouldn’t spend all your time planning and worrying about your future, rather you should live each moment, learning from the past, living in the present and excited about what the future holds.

Permalink Leave a Comment

Hello world!

January 12, 2010 at 1:04 am (Uncategorized)

Welcome to This is your first post. Edit or delete it and start blogging!

Permalink 1 Comment